I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
