Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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