My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
