He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
