Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
