If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
