12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
