i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
