im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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