He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
