We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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