she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
