she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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