So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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