need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
