both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
