Where did you get a picture of my penis
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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