Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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