We won't sleep together?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
