You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
