Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize