my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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