she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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