I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
