Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
