You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize