my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
