did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
