They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
