I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
