So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
