The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also, beer. Big fan.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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