He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize