Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
