I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
