My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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