my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
