Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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