She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
