Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
