Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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