I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
