Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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