Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
