WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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