I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
