We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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