WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
