three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize