so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
