big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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