Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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