In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
