walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My ATM looks so different sober.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
