Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
