"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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