I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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