Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
