there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize