Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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