I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
