I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
this hospital has no fireball
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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