even my farts smell like vagina
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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